Author: LD
WC:  ~1,000
Summary:  Dr. Lee and Jack work together on a dangerous weapon.
Challenge: 58
Rating: PG, one swear word
Category: Gen, Humor
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Sci Fi Channel, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions.  No copyright infringement whatsoever is intended. The story is for entertainment purposes only. The original characters, situations and story are mine. Please check with me first if you want to archive or link to this story.
Authors note: Not 100 percent happy with the title, but just go with it J

Feed Me.


Lee watched fascinated as the Colonel fed the unknown alien device a metal rod. 

The device on his lab table was a small crystal structure, weighted, that registered as containing naquada with some unrecognizable alien script on one side.  That was it, other than a small cavity on the other side of it that a scan earlier had indicated extended almost to its core, but the naquada it contained blocked internal readings.  The crystal spheres protruding from its base allowed positioning of it in several ways.  Lee hadn’t a clue what it was and had been at the point of getting Daniel involved when the Colonel had chosen that moment to stop by. 

That was about two hours ago.  Lee still didn’t know what it was.  While he’d been studying it the majority of the day, the Colonel had been entertained. 

Just as before, the device grabbed the object, gnashing and gnarling sounds came from inside, the device began to glow, and continued until the rod disappeared completely, swallowed by the device.  Then the glow faded and it made a sighing sound, as if content, before becoming silent once more.  Lee looked over at the Colonel who appeared mesmerized by the thing. 

The phone rang and Lee picked it up as the Colonel searched for more things for “it” to eat.

“Hey Lee, I’ve been looking for Jack… everywhere!”  Daniel sounded irritated. “I’ve just been told he may be with you.  Is he hiding in there?”  Make that really irritated.

“Daniel, I—“  Lee wasn’t sure how to respond.  He didn’t care to get in trouble with the Colonel either, but truth was probably best, except he took too long to respond and Daniel began speaking again. 

“You see, he’s overdue for my lecture on the inscriptions we discovered on PX2-8845 that he PROMISED me he’d attend… long overdue, over an hour and 1/2 overdue now!” 

Lee watched as the Colonel reentered the lab with a gleam in his eye holding a fork and proceeded to move toward to the device. 

“Uh, yeah Daniel…”

The Colonel quickly motioned for Lee not to tell Daniel he was there.  Lee sighed.  He hated getting between these two.  “Daniel, there’s… the truth is… that is, I-I—“

“He’s there, isn’t he?  And he’s telling you not to tell me he’s there, right?”

“I-I… he—“

“I’ll be there in five!” 


The Colonel looked satisfied with Lee’s responses and continued toward the device.  Lee decided not to tell him Daniel was coming.




“Co-oool, look at it go.  You figured out what this thing is yet, Doc?”  Jack asked, scanning the room for the device’s next meal.

“Well, not exactly, maybe with more testing—“

“Yes! More testing.  I agree.”  The Colonel rubbed his hands together, heading for the metal flask cleaning brush next to the sink.

“Uh, Colonel, I’m gonna need that.”

“Requisition another one, Doc.  This is official business.” The Colonel answered preparing to feed the alien eating machine again.

“Well, you see, that takes weeks, and I—“


Momentarily startled, Lee quickly composed himself.  “Oh, hi Daniel” With one quick nod his way, Daniel bee-lined it toward the Colonel, who just grinned confidently as Daniel approached, which just seemed to irritate Daniel even more. 

“WHAT are you doing down here, Jack when you’re supposed to be somewhere else right now, actually about two hours ago?”

The Colonel raised the flask brush with a smirk on his face.  “Watch this.”  He positioned the brush and all three watched the device light up, the metal brush pulled in, listening as it was slowly and loudly torn apart inside.  It then sighed and shut down.  It took longer, which Lee made a note of, but the results were the same. 

The Colonel was elated.  Daniel was less so, actually he looked downright furious.

This?”  Daniel approached the table pointing at the device.  “This is what you’ve been doing all day?  This instead of the lecture you promised me you’d attend.”

This obviously takes priority over that, Daniel.  It destroys things.  It could be a valuable weapon, needing further evaluation to determine how dangerous it is and its potential use by our side.  We, that is, Dr. Lee and I, have been doing very important research in here. Very.”

Lee pointed to himself and mimed to Daniel, “Me and him?”

Daniel huffed, “I’ll bet.” He leaned over the device, tilting his head to read the side of it, squinting while scanning the writing.  Then his eyes opened wide and… Lee swore he saw nostrils flaring as he glared up at the Colonel... and Lee.  Lee feigned innocence.

Daniel snatched an object off Lee’s desk.  His back was to both of them so they couldn’t tell what he’d picked up.  It was obvious he’d piqued the Colonel’s curiosity though, that is until he jammed the tip into the cavity of the device, let the device do its thing, and held the object up in his hand before letting it drop back to the table. “Valuable weapon, huh!”

The Colonel stared at the dropped object, pursing his lips.  “So that’s why it does that.”  He lightly nudged it then looked up.  “Soooo, about your lecture…”

Lee could’ve kicked himself over what he held in his hand.  It made perfect sense now.   He tuned out the word war and flapping arms going on between Daniel and the Colonel just after he heard Daniel comment.  “So Jack, you were planning on saving the world with that, were you?”

“It ate metal, plastic, and even rocks, Daniel.”  The Colonel responded, emphasizing the syllables in Daniel’s name. 

It was obvious Daniel wasn’t impressed.  “So, its ornamental and industrial-strength,  it’s still used to sharpen a stylus.”

“A what?” Jack asked. 

“It’s a damn pencil-sharpener, Jack!”

Lee laughed at the sharpened pencil in his hand.  That is until two sets of narrowed eyes glared holes into him.  That’s when he decided lunch was definitely in order.


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