"Oh God."
Daniel Jackson, upon seeing O'Neill advancing on our position, immediately turns and retreats back up the ramp toward the Stargate with incredible speed.  Luckily - though I am sure Daniel Jackson does not see it that way - I was fully prepared for such a reaction and blocked his route of escape. 
He looks at me with earnestly bright eyes and for a second I am almost compromised by his very obvious plea for help and consider letting him pass.  I eventually prevail, having managed to hold my ground long enough for Daniel to concede his choices are very limited in this matter. 
Heaving a self depreciating sigh, engineered purely for my benefit I have no doubt, he then turns around and, propelled by my hand placed firmly in the small of his back, retraces his path back down the ramp.  Daniel Jackson comes to a stop at the side of Major Carter, no doubt in the belief she will come to his aid when necessary, and puts on what O'Neill has often referred to as his 'happy face'.
He looks LIVID.  I guess hoping that he'd just be glad I'm home safe and sound, and would forget all about that other stuff was a little too much wishful thinking on my part.  God hope he doesn't kill me - especially not right here in the gate room… in front of witnesses.  I'd hate for him to end up spending his retirement in Leavenworth on my account. 
Deciding to suck it up and face the music I arch my back and straighten my shoulders, trying to make my decent back down the ramp look casual, but then that’s rather hard to do when your Jaffa friend has his very large palm pressing firmly into your back. 
I know I've got no hope of escaping being read the riot act; a level even tone is the best I can wish for.  In a last ditch attempt to avoid the inevitable I break into a huge smile, hoping that he'll melt and save the yelling for later.  Much later.
"Squirrelly?"  He snaps, so calm, it feels like shards of glass cutting through my very thin barrier, the only thing standing between me and him.
I inhale deeply and say very…very calmly, “Let me explain."
"Squirrelly Daniel!” I repeat with more venom.  “I distinctly remember saying to you the minute things got squirrelly you were to get the hell out of dodge!"  I finish in a shout. 
I can't help it. If this was the Daniel from eight years ago I could at least put it down to not listening, or not understanding, or any number of reason’s that I couldn’t count even if I used both hands!  But the Daniel stood in front of me right now should know better.  Heck he does know better!  Maybe I shouldn't be bawling him out in front of everyone, but damn it he KNEW he should have come home, and he KNOWS exactly what he did wrong too, otherwise he wouldn’t be trying to explain anything!
"Jack it wasn't that easy!  Everything... it happened so fast, one minute they were at blue, and it took me a while to work out what blue meant, then they went to another colour and it escalated and commander Garret started talking about civil war.  That was when I started to make my way back but got caught in crossfire on the way, we finally made it outside when a bomb went off..."
He's not taken a breath yet - not one.  Rattling off talk of civil war and bombs for cryin out loud!  Running his words together like an energiser bunny on speed. Does he really think this is helping his situation any?
“Daniel…” I force out as gently as possible.
"I'm REALLY sorry."  He fits in quickly, panting now from complete exhaustion and probably lack of oxygen.
I pause and regard him with something of curiosity.  “Debrief in one hour.  Dismissed SG-1.”
His face drops with his head following soon after.  He's sorry?  He's going to be a heck load more than sorry by the time we're through with THIS debriefing.
From abject misery to sarcasm, to nonsensical rambling, and back to misery - all in sixty seconds.  That's a record, even for Daniel. 
I think he was prepared for the General's feelings on this matter, but was secretly hoping for something more than the cold dismissal we’ve just received.  Standing at his side I land a steadying arm over his back and gently encourage him to move forward.  It’s obvious to anyone looking just how close Daniel had come to believing he’d never see home again, he’s clearly missed us.  The feeling’s mutual! 
Daniel starts to wobble, falling backward before we even step off the ramp; luckily Teal’c’s still stood behind us and successfully rights him before Daniel’s even aware of his fault.  General O'Neill catches my eye and his face softens slightly.  I take the opportunity to give him a glare for good measure, making it clear any further telling off rants will not be tolerated.  Daniel already knows his mistake and making him feel like his three months separation from us was all his own fault will only make him feel worse and won't help matters in the slightest. 
The General rolls his eyes, thankfully taking my advice and moves out of our way, taking Daniel's arm in his on the opposite side to me.  Daniel snaps his head up and to the side, but the General gently grabs his chin and quietly instructs him to look where he’s going.
We all leave the 'gate room together, Daniel with an Air force officer on each arm and a Jaffa watching his six.
As it should be.


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  Hawk50 Nancy Bailey Carrie AnnO  
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Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. This is a parody for entertainment purposes only. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted anywhere without the consent of the author.