C is for Crevasse
by Eilidh17
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“Move over.”
“I can’t, unless you’d prefer I tumble down this extremely deep crevasse.  Body retrieval is such a tiresome chore.  Rather gory as well.  Have you even seen what falling from a great height does to a body, darling?”
“No, and I don’t—”
“Splat!  Not quite the sound it makes, but it does describe the impact zone rather accurately.  Did I ever tell you about the time Thanos and I had to climb to the—”
“Can you stop your yammering for just one moment and give me an inch!” Daniel paused to catch his breath and then hissed through clenched teeth, “Just one inch.  Please.”
“Well!” Vala huffed.  She stared nonplussed at him for a moment before pushing herself flat against the rock wall.  “Better now?”
Daniel was too busy trying to get comfortable to answer, but the brief flicker of pain she saw on his face reminded her of the ribs he’d broken when she landed on him.
“Sorry,” she whispered, trying to flatten herself even more.  “I forgot about your…” She waggled a finger at his chest.  “Do they hurt?”
He glared hard at her, brow lowered.
“Just thought I’d ask.”
“Check your radio.”
“Oh.”  She patted her vest.  “I have.  I, ah…”
“You lost it?”
Vala cringed, a wide but pained smile on her face.  “Uh, huh.”
Daniel reached towards his own, but she grabbed his hand and pushed it down.  “I wouldn’t bother, it’s broken.”
“How?”
“Well, I think it might have been when I landed on you but I can’t really be sure.  Seems likely though.”
“How exactly did we end up wedged in this crevasse?”
“You don’t remember?”
“If I could, I wouldn’t be asking now, would I?”
“Right, well… I tripped.”
“Over what?”
Vala bit down hard on her lip and tried to smile.  “The cord,” she whispered so softly he strained to hear her.
“What?  I didn’t hear you.”
“Oddly enough, that was the idea.” She heaved a sigh and continued rather reluctantly, “The cord to my hairdryer was hanging out of my pack, which was on the ground.  I tripped and crashed into you.  You hit the ground, I landed on top of you, the ground opened up, and here we are getting all up close and personal.  Not that I mind at all.  Oh, and just for the added whump factor, you hit your head on the way down and knocked yourself out for about twenty minutes.”
“Whump?”
“Whump!  You know… getting hurt.  Whump!”
“What?”
“Samantha introduced me to the wonderful world of online fanfiction.  You know, where fans of a particular television program or book, like to write stories about their heroes.” At Daniel’s puzzled expression, Vala added, “It’s very obviously you are not reading enough fanfiction, darling.  Whump is where the rather dashing leading man is hurt repeatedly by the writer in a bizarre need to have them nursed back to health by another leading woman… or man.  We call that comfort, or more accurately, hurt/comfort.”
“Man?”
“Yes, well,” she continued, “Our debonair hero being comforted by the equally gorgeous male side-kick is also known as slash.  Naturally, if the hero and side-kick were female, like in Xena, we’d call that femslash.  Are we all up to date?”
“Slash?”
“My, my.  I’ve reduced the great Daniel Jackson to one word sentences.”
“Huh?”
“And there you go again.  Slash is where the two leading men are in a relationship.  Do you need me to spell it out further for you?”
He blinked once, slowly, confusion creasing his brow.
“Obviously I do.  Okay, how about two men in a homosexual relationship?  Sound familiar?”
“No-o,” Daniel squeaked.
“Well, I wasn’t inferring that you and Cameron were—”
“Me and Mitchell?” His voice hit falsetto.
“Like I said, I wasn’t inferring that you and Cameron were in a relationship.  Although, I can’t be sure about that General friend of yours.  He seems like quite the man’s man to me.”
“Jack?”
She nodded seriously.  “Uh, huh.”
“In a relationship with Mitchell?”
“No, silly… you!”
“Me and Jack?”
“Well, you are the dashing-”
“Aht!”  He raised his hand to cut her off.  “What are you talking about and why are we having this conversation at all?”
“You asked!”
“I asked how we got here!”
“And I said I tripped!”
“Over the cord to your hairdryer?”
“Yes.”
“And the reason you brought your hairdryer on an offworld mission was?”
She rolled her eyes at him.  “Why does one normally carry a hair dryer, Daniel? To dry my hair with, of course.  Honestly, it goes all frizzy if I don’t dry it properly.  Sam did buy me some rather expensive smoothing product but it can only do so much, and you really don’t want to see me straight out of the shower with my hair all over the place.”
“Power!”
“I’m sorry, power for what?”
“The hairdryer! How were you going to power it?”
“Oh, right, well there is this little pronged thingy at the very end of the cord which you plug into the nearest wall.”
“Yes,” he encouraged her on with a roll of his wrist.  “And then what?”
“And then you dry your hair!”
“Vala, it only works on Earth!  Earth!  The place you live.  The very same place that has the power outlets you need to plug the dryer into in the first place.”
“Well… hmmm.  That is most inconvenient, I must say.  I’m sure Samantha could modify a hair dryer to run of one of her naquadah thingies.”
Help came not a moment too soon.  “Yo!  Jackson!  Vala!  You down there?”
Daniel slapped his hands to his face and muttered, “Oh, thank god!”
Mitchell appeared at the opening to the crevasse.  “Hey, you two okay down there?”
“Other than Daniel’s complete lack of culture and the need for naquadah-powered personal grooming appliances, we’re quite fine thank you, Cameron.”

The End

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