Jack’s Lesson

“Hey, Jack.”




“Okay, thanks,” Daniel said, turning to leave Jack’s office.


“Yes, Jack?” Daniel inquired, eyebrows lifting.

“What are you thanking me for?” Jack growled out, his eyes narrowed.

“For saying, ‘no’,” Daniel replied.  “Thanks, bye!”


“Yes, Jack?” Daniel inquired again, suppressing a smile.

Jack sighed and pushed back from his desk.  “What did I say, ‘no’ to?”

“You don’t know?” Daniel asked in mock surprise.

“No, I don’t know,” Jack said slowly and obviously frustrated.

“Then why did you say, ‘no,’?” Daniel asked reasonably.


“Yes, Jack?”

“Do you want me to hurt you?”

“No.  Now see, that’s the way you ask and answer a question,” Daniel explained.

“I’m going to count to three,” Jack said dangerously.

“Okay, okay, I came in to ask you if you’d mind if Teal’c and I took your new truck for a spin and you kindly said, ‘no’.”

Jack’s jaw twitched as he stared at Daniel.  “Touch my truck and you die.”

Daniel chuckled and flopped down in a chair.

“Actually, I came to ask you if you wanted to go for lunch.  They have your favourite today: Chili Inferno.”

“Hell, why didn’t you say so?” Jack groused, jumping to his feet.  “Come on, don’t dawdle.  That stuff goes like hotcakes,” he said, pushing Daniel towards the door.  “By the way, you couldn’t drive my truck anyways because you don’t have a key.”

Daniel turned and smiled.



“How did you get a key?”

“I promised not to tell.”

“Siler?  Was it Siler?  I’ll–”

“It wasn’t Siler and that’s all I’m going to say, other than I wouldn’t dream of taking your truck for a spin because, contrary to popular belief, I do value my life,” Daniel said.   “I wanted a key for emergencies.”

“Emergencies,” Jack said sceptically.  “Like, what?  A sudden urge to get Starbuck’s on days you don’t have a car?”

“No,” Daniel said evenly.  “Like when we’re out together and you get kidnapped or something.  I’d be able to follow you if I had a key.  It could happen.”

The sincerity in Daniel’s voice gave Jack pause.  He considered his words then nodded. 

“You promise just for emergencies?”

“I promise,” Daniel vowed.

“Good enough for me,” Jack smiled, clapping Daniel on the back.  “Wait,” he said frowning, “does anyone else have a key?”

“No, but I wouldn’t leave my spare lying around in your glove box.  God knows who might get a hold of it,” Daniel said, his eyes twinkling.

“You broke into my truck?” Jack cried.

“How else was I supposed to get the key?”

“You could’ve asked,” Jack said.

“Yes, and you would’ve said?”

“Over my dead body,” Jack replied.

“Which is why I had to break in,” Daniel said.

“How’d you break in and you better not have let any scratches,” Jack growled.

“I had a little help and no, I didn’t scratch it.  Besides, I did it a month ago and you haven’t noticed anything, right?” Daniel asked innocently.

“A month ago?” Jack said incredulously.

About that,” Daniel nodded.

“And you’re just telling me this now?”

Daniel shrugged.  “I figured I should let a little time pass before telling you.  You know how you get: edgy, irritable, uh, that head-scrubbing thing you do,” he added gesturing towards Jack’s head.

“Alright, never mind that,” Jack said, hastily removing his hand from his scalp.  “Who helped you?  Was it Siler?  It was, wasn’t it?  Crap, he didn’t use that wrench of his, did he?”

“Jeez, Jack, what’s with this fixation on Siler, and why do you assume it’s a man?”

“I’m not fixated on … are you saying Carter did it?” Jack asked, frowning.

“No, I’m not saying that at all,” Daniel sighed, but  clearly enjoying Jack’s torment.

“My head hurts,” Jack muttered, massaging his forehead.

“After a couple bowls of Chili Inferno you’ll forget all about your head,” Daniel said helpfully.

“But not my truck,” Jack grumbled.

“Yeah, about that,” Daniel said slowly.

“About what?”

“Your truck.”

“What about my truck?” Jack asked in alarm.

“I lied,” Daniel said.

“You lied?”


“About what?  Oh crap, you did scratch it.”

“No, I mean I don’t have a key.”

“You lied about having a key to my truck?” Jack asked incredulously.

Daniel pondered the question then nodded vigorously.  “Yep, that pretty much covers it.”

“Daniel, are you on any medication?  A drug habit I don’t know about?”

“No, just a little sweet revenge,” Daniel smiled.

“Revenge?  Revenge for what?” Jack frowned.

“Think back,” Daniel said.

Jack furrowed his brow then shook his head.  “Not gettin’ anything.”

“Sex with Teal’c?  Carter?  Frequency and moderation?  Ring any bells?” Daniel asked, his eyebrows arching.

“Oh, that,” Jack said, his eyes lighting up at the memory.

“Yes, that.”

“I was just teaching you not to interrupt me,” Jack said defensively.  “You have this annoying habit of –”

“And I was just teaching you not to say ‘no’ to me before I’ve actually asked the question,” Daniel replied, smiling mischievously.

Jack stared at Daniel then smiled fondly.  “Touché.  So, are we even?”

“I don’t know about ‘even’,” Daniel said, pondering the question and looking around.  ”Teal’c’s not here, Sam’s not here, the general’s not here.  Not quite the same, is it?”

“I’ll buy you dinner tonight,” Jack said.  “Your choice.”

“That should do it,” Daniel grinned.

“But we’re still doing lunch, right?”

“That’s why I’m here.  You didn’t think I planned all this beforehand, did you?” Daniel asked.

“No, uh, of course not,” Jack said hesitantly.

“Then let’s get a move on,” Daniel said. “Like hotcakes, remember?”

“Damn, that’s right,” Jack said, pushing Daniel forwards.

“Oh, there is one other thing,” Daniel said, stopping suddenly.

“For crying out loud,” Jack sighed.  “What?”

 “Can I have a key to your truck?”






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Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. This is a parody for entertainment purposes only. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted anywhere without the consent of the author.